I talked last night with a dear friend who is a speech and language pathologist in Wyoming and she talked about some friends of hers that were in, what she called, a form of parasitic relationship. One of the partners couldn’t seem to successfully function on his own without being “glued” to his wife 24/7. Unfortunately, this constant need for the other was spreading over and adversely affecting other areas of their relationship. Could this lack of self confidence be just be a symptom of someone who, for whatever reason, didn’t love themselves? We discussed how important it is for us to truly love ourselves before we can ultimately find true love and be able to create the solid, lasting and fun relationships that we all are looking for.
One of the key components of a relationship is the support that two people provide for each other, yet I am sure it is one of the most overlooked aspects of choosing the perfect mate. I know that after three failed marriages of my own that I am as guilty as anyone. A relationship that is built upon mutual support will overcome just about any obstacles that two individuals encounter along the way. Support can take on many forms, but in the broadest sense, it is the willingness of two people in a relationship to lift and encourage each other to be the best that they can be. It is also the willingness for each of the individuals to be there for each other through both good and bad times.
Lack of support in a relationship can surface in many ways. It can be something as simple as a failure to be sympathetic when a mate has had a bad day at work, to the major support that is required when embarking on a new business endeavor or during life changing events. Either way, if support is missing from a relationship in the early stages, chances are it will only get worse through the years. And at some point, it can escalate to the point of no return when much needed support is being sought after and no where to be found.
The reason support is so critical to a healthy relationship lies within the concepts of success and achievement. For two people to build a life together, it is critical for each of them to maintain their own identities, loving themselves, while at the same time work together toward common goals and aspirations. In my opinion, the best and most lasting relationships occur when two people get together who are each comfortable in their own skin and perfectly capable of living on their own but make the conscious choice to create a partnership.
When considering the aspect of maintaining your own identity, it is perfectly normal that two people will not share identical interests in everything they do. One person may be an avid sports fan while the other doesn’t know a racquet from a club — and very well, may never care to learn. This doesn’t mean, however, that the sports challenged mate must forever remain unsupportive of their partner. To the contrary, this is a perfect opportunity to give your partner the freedom to retain their own interests while still being supportive. If you cringe at the thought of sitting through a sporting event that makes no sense to you, take game day as your opportunity to pursue something that piques your interest. In doing so, you are not only furthering your own separate identities, you are also imposing no feelings of guilt when you each pursue your own interests. In essence, you are supporting each other through extending the freedom to pursue individual passions.
The other area where couples often falter is in matters that involve each working toward a common goal. While maintaining your own identity is critical, it is equally vital to utilize a balanced amount of time and energy in joint endeavors. These might be business matters, financial goals, home improvement projects, and any number of activities that require both individuals working together as a team. When identifying and implementing plans for an activity that requires the talent and focus of both people, it is critical to identify the ultimate goal, create a plan to achieve it, set a timeline for its completion and outline each person’s role in the process. (Isn’t it funny that standard business practices apply here?) By addressing these things, a clear picture will be formed of the expectations you will place upon each other and you will have given yourselves a means of measuring success. You will also be able to identify any areas of weakness that will enable you to assist each other along the way. The couple that can effectively master these concepts will likely be the couple that will stand the test of time. No matter what the subject or the endeavor, these same principles will apply and are the key component for the successful outcome of any major joint endeavor. The amount of support that is present in a relationship, or the lack thereof, will ultimately have a direct correlation to the success of that same relationship. You may recognize this fact in your own relationship or you may see it when you look around at the relationships of others. Either way, when you become aware of the vital role that support plays in a relationship, it will forever change your approach. Also, make sure you really listen to each other! And thus, this discovery may ultimately be the turning point in your life that yields the success and achievement you are seeking. Just one man’s opinion!
